I love learning,
I love Darby,
I love experiencing,
even if i'm a fuck up (sometimes) (most times).

Half the Girl That You Are (I'll try to keep this short)

Growing up I would dream of who the perfect girl is for me . Painting pictures of her in my head she was wicked smart, extremely hard working, comforting, someone I love being around, someone who can teach me new things, someone thats beautiful, someone that lets me cry, someone who is silly, goofy, and deep in thought all at the same time. She would be everything to me, and I would be everything to her.

But dreams don't come true...

One day, Preston told me about this amazing girl, Darby.
How smart she was, how beautiful, and how me and her would make the perfect pair.
She was taken so I didn't think much of it, however that didn't last tooo long haha.
I thought could this be her, my dream girl? However I was to scared to ever message her or reach out. But one day the time came.
I was lucky enough to meet her on June 2nd 2018.
and on June 9th I got to see her again, we layed on my car and talked to the stars.
It was something to never forget.
June 10th, I got addicted to everything about her as we shared the mountain and our stories.
and it kept going.
July 5th I was much in love, and every day I would see her I was twice as much in love and that still has not changed.

However I took a step back and I thought about my dream girl, and realized Darby was just not her.
The girl I would dream about was simply beautiful. and Darby, well she was far from that dream, darby is beautiful, she is much beyond beautiful, her face, and her body much more complex than any girl I could of ever dreamed of, the way her eyes shine were something that couldn't be explained. Her laugh was more addicting than air itself.
The girl I would dream about was half as smart, half as funny, half as beautiful.
The girl I dreamed of is half the girl that you are.

Darby, darby should pay attention to me.
he he he
darby i feel like you can hear me typing to you so stop playing chess and play attention to me.
anywaaayyysss i  love you.
ttyl

Dear Darby

She is every temperature of water.
She is every planet and all the moons.
She every hike in the rain
She is every friend I have ever had.
She is three sailors holding my body to the ship making sure I don't drown.
She is every temperature of water.

I dream of her every night, everyday I crave to hold her.
I dream of falling to my death and she caches me.
I dream of wedding nights and she kisses me.
I dream of what it must feel like to swing a child in our arms.
I dream of dream houses and drinks on the porch.
I dream, I dream of you every night.

We are two hand made row boats
We are a Wes Anderson
We are little girls and little boys
We are bee's and birds
We are gods open hands
We are what it feels like to have everything you've ever wanted
We are two hand made row boats.

My last day on Earth

She was the full water jugs with ice to the top.as Her mind was two different kinds of perfect spread all over her perfect body.

I'm sorry I don't like coffee, or kombucha, or many other things that start with C, I guess Colby should of been first on your list.

I'm sorry I get sad

I'm sorry I get mad

I'm sorry that I'm annoying

And not funny.

I'm sorry I'm so stubborn.

I'm sorry I think i know it all when clearly I know nothing.

I'm sorry you feel like I don't like you.

The truth is I think you are the most perfect creation.

I would do anything to spend the rest of my life with you.

I miss you already and you are sitting right next to me.

I want to hold your hand right now.

I want to see you smile

I want to kill myself.

I want to sit outside and read with you.

This is going to be hell. It already is.

I'm really going to miss you. I miss you.

The silence in this car is bottled.
The moves we make with our mouths are tired.
I would kiss you again but neither of us wore sun block and the way your hairs tied up is restrictive.
I don't know about you, but I don't know about us.
Yesterday i dreamed of wedding cake and mowing the front lawn.
But for now I lay with tears in my eyes, two buckets of sand weighing us down.
Jump.

I go back and forth on whether I should play runescape a lot. But never on if I want to spend my life with you.

You're perfect day.

Doing Everything that has nothing to do with me.

My Future, Read It?

Here is the interesting thing.
I think I have decided I don't want to be near the most successful at my job.
Or my future job.
Or in School.
I think I have known this for awhile.
and I think its ok.
I can work hard, play hard, and relax hard.
Life is hard but it doesn't need to be too hard all the time.
I want to lay with you.
And hold my children.
Talk to you, jump in lakes, fly kites, go to montana again.
I am going to go get food.

Hearts, Saka, God.

Do you know what love taste like?

we are perfectly weighted.

So is everything.

It's beautiful.

Nothing tipping any scales.
There are no scales.

we just sit here, essentially weightless

and its beautiful. 

These are the hands that we hold.
Are they the ones we prayed for?
Do we hold them and thank god?
Do we hold them together?

It's five A.M. but its always five A.M. for me.
She tied knots in his lounges, she tied knots with her love, these knots can't hold everywhere.

He directs his pen like an army of ants, like Caesars.
He holds his head like like heavy books, like the last cannon ball, like its halloween.
He's so clean.
He is a space boy, and a space boy's nightmare,

I pray the sunlight stays focused.
beam on me.
beam me up.
sun beams.